Drunk Dialing

One of my fave websites has to be http://textsfromlastnight.com/. It has some outrageously funny text messages on display there. Here are a few awesome ones:

So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.

Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.

Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.